empty canister, not looking 4 love

hollowhollowhollowhollowhollowhollow

After reading nekron’s friend’s lj & comments therein, I am convinced that my lack of appreciation of ‘good music’ (read: his music) is why he’ll get over me pretty quickly, if not already.  The main reason.  The other reason is because I don’t get that whole laundry thing or that whole respect thing–I’m immature for my age.  I’m not open-minded about songs about bjs.  I wasn’t into Bette Davis previously, and I think photos of vintage nudes are gay.  I’m not into cool shit generally.  I don’t define myself by anything, and have no taste.  [I am sure he is surprised that a 19 year old is better than me.  I am surprised.  But something in me doesn't care.  Vintage nudes are gay and sentimental.  Lemme lick sum despair.]

All I had going for me was my face anyway.  Which is, honestly, how it always is.

Because I’m fucking retarded.

I’m honestly into nothing but myself

I give up fighting and I’m okay with that.  She can think what she wants.  I’ll just take an OxyContin or something.

Can’t control shit.

Can control life.

Yes, baby.

i hate my father

he is indifferent to me

o lord, i am RECEPTIVE to any changes you want to fertilize in me

am i a crazy person or a decent person?

which do i want to be?

which has the best prospects?

become

how do i package myself?
and as what?

where are you?

you don’t know what you are

and that’s your biggest strength

i didn’t cheat on you and i am clean and you are clean

i need to write a book and produce and produce and produce
nothing is stopping me except a thin skin and a spongelike personality

all i want is to be myself, and to learn, and to create

i am one of millions of ambitious young fetuses

my consciousness has been raised

feel messed up in an intense way
i may be becoming an adult

maybe able to think again

caught up in the legitimacy of other people’s feelings and perspectives, and how beautiful and deep human experience is