no

I’m wearing the shit out of my vibrator. And eating lubricant.

Who owns you? Can you ever really be owned? There are parts of me that darling will never see. Or anyone else, for that matter. But there’s nothing that no one sees but me. I’m just different things to different people. Like a waitress. Or a hooker. A hooker/waitress.

And sometimes the charade doesn’t work, and that’s okay. You can reject not-me. But you can’t reject real-me. I don’t take rejection easily–not if I’ve invested in it.

The only people I’ve really loved did not love me back. In fact, indifference is a prerequisite to me loving you.

The me before you was as much of a facade as the me right now. I worry that I’m not being honest with you and my conscience will eat me, but for the most part I am honest…ish. At least a step away from the truth. Why don’t I want you to know that I’m a slut? For the most part I am completely indifferent to what I’ve done.

And I wag my tail, and beg for your affections.

relic

Tall dark and handsome artist (who would never degrade you like that) seeks

I want a kitten and a little dog and a little apartment with a kitchen

Mary Magdalene

this narrative is false.

I can’t be changed.

<X3

tell you now

I hate you for taking it from me
I hate you for making me feel bad about myself
I hate you for manipulating me

I’ll just tell you now (you took my intuition)
Yr not the city of god (my knowledge of the truth)
You can’t strike me down (the love I had in this world)
From your mountain top (I gave it all to you)

I wanna tell you now

Say this one packs a fight
Just crazy, out of my mind
Say sorry, yeah it’s all right
Just give me back what you took that night
I wanna tell you now
I wanna say it full out
I wanna get up in your face
And tear your thoughts right out
I wanna tell you, tell you now
I’m gonna tell you, tell you how
You didn’t change my mind
You didn’t do a thing
‘Cept made me hate myself
And made me fear everything

Bryn:

I got a blister from

Touching everyone I see

I gave you everything

I hope you’ll give it back to me

I told you everything

I hope you’ll never tell on me

Goodbye to GiGi

Bad boy …
Moons and Junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
When every fairy tale comes real I
Looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone so
So many things I could have done
But clouds got in
Angel dust gets in your eyes and hair
Acid stars you’re getting there
My body’s a temple
I’ll only give it to you When you die
Looked at life that way
But now it’s just another show
You leave ‘em laughing when you go

Thanks, Courtney.

BiBi said he had seen GiGi’s craigs-list ad. He didn’t say that. But I can guess as much. I didn’t say anything about it.

Coincidental. It’s all coincidental.

& Demie is always right about everything.

Buyer’s remorse

The devil is in the details.

And you’re detailed.

LE, never ever apologize.

mx

Sometimes I think Mexico will be an escape from all this and a way of knowing myself.  A transcendental adventure.  A new way to live, way to be connected.I don’t feel as though I actually interact with the world.

Purposes

1. Quit Diet Coke.
2. Learn to cook.
3. No dairy.
4. No wheat.
5. 115.
6. Organization.
7. Shower daily.
8. Find the shitbook.